Untitled #01

I sit and wonder the sometime what exactly does love means to me.. After many heartbreaks and depression I never really found the one for me.Maybe the time is not right =/ maybe im not good enough but i recently I realized that I've been falling in out of love constantly is that caused by the seclusion in me, but maybe just maybe I'm hopin that maybe "she" is the one...Hmm I dont really know.Ahh heck,after a while her colours started to shine the colour she shone upon me before surely aren't her best. I cant quite establish what sort of sentiment I have for her. Maybe I'm in love again ? Or then again I could just be a illusion created by depression,desperation,despair,and seclusion? Just..Maybe. Well i certainly hope not.Sometimes I feel the urge to love someone the urge to cater to her every needs, the urge to have someone to pamper and someone who loves me as much as I her.Maybe my expectations were to high or my qualifications are too low? My urge for love is insatiable..The hunger in me.I might not be able to take this any longer.Im tired of tryin ,tired of lookin for a meaning in life,tired of waiting,tired of changin,tired of being everything one wants me to be. I just wanna rest ..Im tired.Im sick of wearin a jovial mask wherever I go.No one sees what lies beyond this mask of mine.Sometimes i just wanna be myself and go beyond nuts but I know sometimes i just cant.These scars in me ..They wont leave me alone these bittersweet memories will never cease to haunt me.The worse and most painful scars aren't the ones on you body.It is those which is left unseen those emotional scars in your heart.Without a doubt i still do miss my ex but I really wanna carry on and once again learn to love. Oh my fair maiden where forth art thou when I need you most? Its amazing how you could still love someone with all the little broken pieces of your heart.I escape this swirl! I will not become a part of this drift. I will one day spread my broken wings and soar high in the sky and escape from this eternal abyss of misery.Just watch and see...