Red Eggs.

Its a long overdue post I know. As some of you might or might not know , it was my birthday a couple of days back . The reason why I didn't blog about it was because , personally I didn't feel too great about my birthday actually (well partially because I'm a lazy procrastinating whore) .

But really quite frankly , since the incidents last year I wasn't too keen about my birthday. In fact if you've noticed enough , I usually get rather emotionally on occasions and festivals. The fact is during this periods of time in the past , I usually spend it with my family in the past and seeing the current predicament I'm in I guess its perfectly reasonable for me to feel a tad bit nostalgic about it.

I remember how , a year back I'd be greeted with red eggs and that disgustingly horrible tasting chicken that I never liked and as much as I told my mother last time

" Don't fucking make these next year !"

Because well , to me it was rather vomit inducing. Ironically , as of the moment its the same damned thing that I'm actually reminiscing about. I guess you could call glorification of the past or whatever , doesn't matter but the fact here being is I'm missing it.

This year , I woke up being greeted by nothing but empty four walls. As I walked up and down around my house hoping that maybe someone is hiding somewhere to surprise me , I found no avail. Nothing. Nothing , but an empty house . The only living thing to spot was my maid. I let out a heavy sigh and walked back up as I get ready for work.

I was still alright , just a tad bit upset until , my maid looked at me as I was unlocking the door to get out to the big bad world for another day of work and said in a very retarded pronunciation.

" ..Happy besday. "

I think she really meant to say happy birthday and then proceeding to telling me that she made red eggs for me. For some reason at that very moment , I felt a rush of emotions . All the memories of family warmth in the past. I dashed out , as my ego told me that no one should see me in tears and as I sat in the bus , I tried holding in my tears . It was far too difficult , I realized that I was human after all. Pretentiously , I rubbed my eyes as though there was sand in it because the woman right opposite me was staring she approached me and asked

" ..Are you alright?"

"..Nah, just sand in my eyes"

I replied in denial as I shut my eye pretending to take a nap.


I wasn't feeling too awesome , but work is still work and as I stood there I had my eyes set on the escalator hoping that maybe I'd be greeted by some surprise of some sort from someone important . I looked and I looked and before I realized it , it was already 10 o' clock and I still had no sales. Demoralized , I was also rather disappointed. Though there are still the few that cared and I truly appreciated that but , really it wasn't what I hoped for. I actually just wanted a simple hug that's all.

As I was on the way home , on a bus again of course. I thought to myself in denial

" ..Surely ! My family are all waiting in my house to surprise me !"

I could feel the tears about to burst out again and I tried to distract myself as I know that I'm only deceiving myself. As I reached home , eagerly hoping that what I had hoped was real and as I looked in I told myself that they are surely inside , my mother , my father , my relatives , my friends and also the red head. As I opened the door , I was greeted by utter silence in the house . Nothing could be heard except for the cold sound of the spinning fan.

I wasn't about to stop hoping , I walked up to the stairs eagerly thinking surely they would be upstairs , it would have a better element of surprise. I thought to myself that , that must be it ! As I walked in was greeted by empty four walls , the same ones that greeted me in the morning. I let out a heavy sigh as I land my ass on my familiar comfortable chair in front of my computer. Then I noticed red eggs on my table , the ones my maid earlier. I consumed it in utter defeat and disappointment, thinking that tomorrow would surely be better...

Don't get me wrong , I'm not being whiny just nostalgic . As much as there that's happening I truly find it to be a privilege to have whatever that I do and believe or not I find this predicament I'm in to truly be a learning privilege just that it could get rather .. painful sometimes. Though it is because I had joy in the past that I feel this way now, so really there's nothing to complain about

.. I just fucking miss the moments that's all.