Emotional Detachment

When a man has seen certain cruelty of life and how crude it could be at times once too many times, a man gradually loses his touch with emotions and slowly everything that is done is based solely on impulse and or logic. The man saw it as an edge in life as now, his decisions and actions will not be based emotions, which in some repetitive pattern of life always turns out to have a shitty consequence.

Every obstacle he faces, he easily brushes it off without leaving a scratch on himself..
..but little did he know, that he was never really detached. He was merely burying his emotions, that slowly and steadily it accumulates waiting for something to trigger it to erupt. one fine day when he feels joys he has once felt in life he slowly realizes the scale of the mistake that he has done and life has denied him of.

Every emotion that has been so effortlessly concealed is suddenly rushing back all at the same time. The man broke down, shed tears. Then he realizes.. he's only human. That even had very same privilege and weakness known as emotions. Something that has been forgotten for such a longtime all suddenly felt so familiar to him now as tears resumed rolling down his cheeks. The man suddenly just remembered something that he has long forgotten that in actual fact that he is a child baring an adult's responsibility.

This child always hated how people would look up to his strength to pursue things in life because in actual fact he is weak but has way too much pride to reveal any form of vulnerability. He also hated how his father would always tell him to be more of an adult when the child is clearly just a child and is growing up at a pace that is way too fast for him. He is afraid to grow up as he approaches 2009, very afraid. Afraid that one day, when he truly becomes a man he would look back and realized he has never became a child.

Slowly he wipes it off and wondered if life is going to be this until he slowly crawls in the grave and wither away. Is he going to maintain a mundane life of nine to five and then die meaninglessly at the end of it all? Secretly he wishes to be as carefree as his companions are and never have to worry if there will be food on the table at the end of the month.

.. Secretly, he also wishes that he could be as reckless as he was and to never consider consequences of his actions because back then given the privilege of being a child, the child never had to bare much of the consequences. He wishes to have fallen in love like he would with a highschool sweetheart, doing nothing but staring aimlessly and lost into his partner's eyes. He wishes to once again, return to the innocence as knowledge has a price way too high to bare.

..But only secretly.. Shhh, let's be quiet about this.
He did not want anyone to see this weakness in him.

With his swollen eyes, he refuses to wake up from the dream much as he wouldn't like to the man will now have to face reality and return it a kick in ass. I pray that this man will muster enough courage to carry on with his never ending struggle with life and to be able to look god in the face on day and say "Screw you god, I made it"

And on that note, let's all wake up and return to reality as tomorrow will be the day where our lives begin anew again. Cheers.