The coming of age

Inevitable.

.. A natural passage of time.

Its really difficult for me to believe that in just one blink of an eye, 20 years of my life has come and gone just like that. I know nothing is going to be different, I will still live the same life that I am living now which in essence is the lifestyle of an adult.

Just because I'm turning 21, it doesn't mean some magical force from a different universe will somehow put an extra load to my existing responsibilities and commitments nor is it going to make me more socially void than I already am.


Fearful.

...Why am I afraid?

It makes absolutely no sense, the thought of being an adult scares me. It feels like just yesterday, when I was skipping school and I thought to myself..

"Geez, I wonder how I am ever going to work when I can even commit myself to go to school daily"

All too sudden, it felt like the next day I woke up, putting my clothes and tie on and getting ready to go the ever exciting wonderland known only as work. I put up with long hours of work depriving me of social life just that in another blink of an eye when I hit mid life crisis I would "suddenly" wake up telling myself I've down something with my life but feeling like you're ostracized seems like a pretty high price to pay.

Odd.

..I'm socially awkward around people my age

I feel like I sometimes am no longer able to relate to people my age. I'm nodding, smiling, laughing and cracking jokes just to hide the fact that I really don't get what the hell you're talking about and even as I crack jokes, I feel sometimes my joke are branded "old". I wonder what happened to my ability of striking conversations with random strangers.. hmm random strangers who are not twice my age.

"Hey whatever happened to that guy who used to hang around? I never seen him around anymore"

.. I hate being that guy.



I guess, all in all I'm pretty much just really afraid of the fact that from now on(well not really now, but in a matter of few months) I am OFFICIALLY an adult. It feels like I'm getting off training wheels, it feels like my probation period is now over and I'm officially signing the contract of adulthood.

I guess I'm afraid that now there's really no turning back, I will no longer be entitled to wish that I'm just like other kids nor will I be entitled to use the ever potent excuse of "Hey man, I'm just a kid" because the fact is I will no longer be a kid.

No longer.. be a kid.


Hmmm...


... It's still echoing in my head.

...

Oh well, I suppose it's about I head off to bed so that I can wake up fresh to go on with my "adult lifestyle" tomorrow. Good night world, cheers.