Life's journey

Often when I'm left alone , I do alot of thinking . Especially when Im sitting down alone smoking in a huge crowds. I see people of different culture, of different layers of society, different upbringings, different behaviour . And as I sat staring blankly in space , I saw a family . Your normal family of 4 probably middle class.. and it only makes me wonder , what a man or a woman of his age have probably gone through? With my 17 years of exprience , already I dare say I've gone through alot but just maybe not as much .. I wonder if , back in the days he was just exactly like me .. Sitting down staring blankly in space wondering only what the future could promise us.

I fear the future , yet I look forward it. I fear it because , with the things I'm doing right now I really see no bright prospect towards a better life . Yet , I look forward to see what it has to offer me. What really defines the word a better life?As I type this my media player is playing Only Time by enya which is sort of relevant to what Im talking about here. I could post up the lyrics if you'd like.

So yeah , as I was saying . What really defines having a better life? Is it limited by the material wealths of the world . Is it really the one thing we seek for in life ? I fear that , maybe one day I would neglect my loved ones and deflect from the very purpose I'm fighting for? Or what if , Im not worthy enough and I end up not being able to support anything and turn out to be a drunk alcoholic . I guess , only time will tell .

And as I progressed back to my shop . I saw the same man shopping for clothes , and with his bunch of kids pestering him to take them home . Which makes me realized that I was once just like his kids pestering to go home and that one day I will have to be in that man's shoes as well . Which was the exact same shoe my dad was wearing when I was a kid.

It brings me back to time when I was young , and during chinese new year shopping sessions . Where my mom would disagree with me buying certain clothes because of the price but my dad will buy it anyways . But I guess , during those times that isnt exactly what Im searching for . So what is it that we need to satisfy our loved ones? I guess sometimes , we're just insatiable. I guess , Im kinda getting a rough idea of why he's behaving rather abnormal these days .

The journey of life has yet to end , and we all have a long way to go . Much to learn much to expect . Sometimes too often we're defined by the conformity of society . No matter how much we hate to admit it , we're always doing something seeking for approval from someone .We study harder to make our parents proud . We work harder to provide better for our family . We become more decent to be accepted . Sometimes thats just the way things are .. Im not trying to preach anyone here , Im just laying down the thoughts I had. Tomorrow awaits . I shall go now.