Im In Love.

Guess what guys , after being single for so long .. I think Im finally in love .. With who? Yes, who? Actually I dont know either . Yes laugh all you want . The fact is actually Im just deprived as hell. No , not sexually.. Just emotionally . Shit , that almost sounded gay . Someone slap me , Im such a confused kid. I know now's not the time for me to think of these things considering the stuff thats been going on in my life . But hey , Im only human.

Sometimes , no matter how much I deny it . It does get pretty lonely.. I know I have been telling you guys I dont wanna date . Its not because I dont want to , its just that sometimes I realize the many qualities Im missing.. Im just too financially unstable . Yes , some of you may think that Im being too much of a realist , that sometimes money doesnt matter , material wealth is not everything but even so , it does play a small role or perhaps a huge role depending on your ideology towards a successful relationship. I mean , sometimes I barely have enough to spend for myself.. How Im I supposed to support a relationship ?

Yes la , some may say I think to much .. but take a step back and think about it lar , Who would want a broke boyfriend right? Maybe for a short term period you would say that it still doesnt matter but its only a matter of time before it gets to you , no? Think about , honestly answer yourselves. Im not insecure , Im just being realistic .. Thats how the world is maybe not at our current age .. but in time it will ..I mean for those of you that didnt already realize it lar. I really need to get a secure job.

I hate depending on my father , I hate being look down by relatives .. Im not a failure , I just dont have the opportunity . No , Im not giving myself excuses . I think if I dont get a job soon enough I'll go crazy . Shit la , this post sounds so loser-ish someone shoot me with a double barrel shotgun . I'll just end here at the risk of being laughed at more . Heh .